"I have a lot of questions. Number one how dare you?"

"Count me in as 'who cares'."

"Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

"Apart from hitting her with my car, I have been so kind to that woman."

"When you're a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are gonna be right about that."

"It's not that children make me uncomfortable, it's just that, why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle."

"I'm not superstitious ... but I am a little stitious."

"It's never too early for ice cream."

"I talk a lot, so I've learned to tune myself out."

"I wish there was a way to know that you're in the 'good old days' before you've actually left them."

"You gotta take a chance on something sometime."

"You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded."

"I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair."

"Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised."

"I don't see it. I think they both could do better."

"Hey. Can you make that straighter? That's what she said."

"I do not lose contests. I win them ... or I quit them because they are unfair.